Wow... it's already Jan. 3rd 2014!!! In 2013 so many things have happened and so many things have changed. I guess I main thing that happened was the I started a new chapter in my life, I started college. I had the chance to start over somewhere where no-one knew me, where no-one knew my past. I have met so many new people at college, so many new friends that are going to be there for the rest of my life. Of course there are people that I don't get along with… particularly my roommate, I'm sorry but she is a bitch. I'm not even going to touch on that because I can go on for hours about how much I hate her. I know how strong the word hate is but that's what it is. I can't think of anything I like about her.

Anyways… I have met so many others that have been by my side. In my first semester I have grown so much in who I am. I had to adjust in a new city in another state, a whole new school, and make all new friends. I have had some of the most amazing times in college so far. I have learned lessons of trust, maturity, and finding myself. The struggles I have had in college have only made me think more about what I want in my life.

I know that my college isnt for me however, it's not the college I imagined myself at. I have made the decision to transfer this fall. I will be taking boring Gen. Eds this second semester as well as taking community classes over the summer in hopes that they will transfer to my new college. My current college is a great college for people majoring in dance, musical theater, or acting. However, for a psychology/criminal justice major it's only wasting my time and money. I finished my first semester with a 3.6. I am not happy with that and I want to finish the second semester with a 4.3 and hopefully finish off my first year of college with a 4.0.

I guess the times that I have had this year both at home, in school, and out-and-about have made me realize how much it is in the real world. Recently I have had some heart to heart talks with my friends and they have helped me realize that I am so negative, but in order to do anything in this life you can't be so negative all the time. I liked to think of it as me just being realistic, but they say that being realistic is the same thing as being negative. I have recently thought I had made the right choice with a guy, hover in the past few days I keep second guessing myself. Does he really want to put the effort in? He knew me before, he knew what I was like, however when I called him yesterday he seemed harsher. I had texted him before and he usually reads and responds but the hasn't. If he is having second thoughts can you pleas tell me? I would rather know now and not have to deal with such a long heartbreak then learn later and get more attached.

Anyways in the is new year, in 2014, I have so many goals or resolutions. I guess some of them are more realistic then others, I know people say new years resolutions never work, but for me its not the resolutions its just being able to see what I WANT to accomplish. I guess the important things are: be more positive, be healthier, and say yes and mean it. There are others but they are minor. I have made mistakes, and god knows I'm going to make so many more. Maybe even the same ones, yet everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes it just takes others longer to learn from them than others. I hope you all had a safe and happy new years. I hope 2014 is your best year yet!! Remember: "Do what YOU want, make this year YOUR year. Good Luck!"

Watching people in jail may be one of the things that makes me re-evaluate my life. My views on things like jails, death penalties, and what I would do if I was ever in jail are not like anyone else's views I know. I feel as if everyone makes mistakes, some are bigger than others but I also believe that everyone should have a chance to start over. God knows I've made so many mistakes, and I'm gonna be making a lot more. It's part of being a human. I believe people do horrible horrible things but the fact that prison guards got to the extent of such violence to the inmates just makes me sick. Treating people like they are nothing is not a way to treat anyone, not even the worst person in the planet.

No one is ever born as a bad kid. Everyone learns the bad things they do. Some people don't have a way out, or not that they can see of. They think the only way they can survive is to learn the ways of their friends and family members. That means anywhere from gangs to armed robbery. Some people don't have the life I have, the caring community and parents with opportunities for me to strive. When I mess up I am able to get another chance, we should give people that same opportunity to make changes. Everyday you wake up you have the opportunity to make your life better, one step is still a step.

Other than that note life is pretty good. I'm doing well at my job, and I'm getting use to serving. Being able to spend time with my friends back home is wonderful. I love the freedom I have with a car. My relationship with my family has grown stronger. I look forward to conversations now. I feel as if I no longer need to hide things, I'm old enough that I am responsible and there is nothing I have to hide. This is something I should have done a long time ago, but better late than never. I hope you all are having a great Holiday and I'll talk to you later. Remember: "Everyday you wake up you have the choice to change to to not."

Lets see I've been home for 2 days and I would have to say it's pretty good. I thought being home for a whole month would be a disaster, so far not too much of one. I wonder how long this will last though. I now have a car I guess the real question is will I survive my job? I finally was able to go and get my old job back, I'm a waitress at iHop. It's not the best job honestly, I need as new one but I need experience id to be able to get another job… hopefully in the summer.

I am trying my best to get along with my parents, I really am. But I don't think that is going to be my main problem. I guess I would say figuring out what I want is going to be the main problem. Having you in my life is great, I love being able to say that you're mine and have people tell me "you're so lucky, he's so cute" but yet at the same time is this the right one? I saw you yesterday and I really questioned my decision. I want this to work, but do I have the faith and the courage to go on? I don't really know what to say so I'm just gonna go and try and sort things out. I'll talk to you all later. Remember "Sometimes the right decision is the hardest one to make."

How do I start? Lets just start by saying I made it through my first semester in college!! I can’t thank all the people who I have met, became close with, and believed in me for a first semester I will never forget. I can still remember the first day I moved in I was on Facebook and I saw this girl and invited her down to hang out, little did I know she would and still is one of my closest friends here.. I have had my ups and downs, my doubts, and worries about college. Yet throughout all of this I have learned. I have learned to be myself, to trust and not to trust, and to give people a second chance.

These are the life lessons I will come back with, not the grades or the test scores, simply my experiences; I had that reputation for the girl that partied to hard, I will admit that. Guys, don’t have that reputation is sucks, save yourself and party responsibly. My grades have been good, or as far as I can tell. I still have my doubts about this school, it’s s great school however is it really the school for me? I love the people I have met here however the education is not as good as I thought. I made the mistake of only visiting 3 out of the 7 colleges I applied to . I knew from the beginning of the tour I was not going to go to 2 of the 3 I visited. I made the mistake of not “falling in love” with my college. I don’t know Pittsburgh that well, I mean I have only been here 4 months. I’m seriously thinking of transferring to PITT. it’s a lot more work, and a lot harder, but I want that challenge. I would rather have to work my ass off now and be use to it for graduate school than breeze through everything here yet get to stress with graduate school. Pitt. I close enough to Point Park that I can easily go and visit my friends at Point Park. I like that they have a actual campus campus. they have a lot more diversity and they have a better education program. Of course this is a huge decision I’m still thinking about it but I know I can’t be here for 4 years.

In college I have learned that only a few people from back home will be by your side in times of need. In college it’s been hard to connect sometimes, I have a temper as well as being super emotional (not a good mix). I have had several times when I just went into the hallway and cried. There were 3 people always by my side since day #1 of college: Marshall, Jon, and Sofia. They are always going to care, and I will always care about them. I know a lot of people drift apart from their friends and that has happened to a bunch of my friends. But however at the same time I have made some great new friends I love hanging out with. I like that in college you can just be yourself, you have the freedom to make your own choices, and you have to endure the consequences to that freedom. I have loved meeting new people, whether it’s at my school or through a mutual friend.

I know that I am more fit, I had been going to the gym regularly. I’m trying not to gain the freshman 15. I have had my fair share of peopblems ill admit theat. I fight all the time and I express my opinion whether people want to hear it or not. Classes are boring to the point where I have switched my majors from psychology to criminal justice. I hope I can continue to go to the gym because I actually really like it.

The one person who has been by my side throughout my whole first semester journey is Marshall. He is truly what I consider a best friend. He is there for me, he cares, and he is harsh sometimes. He makes me get my work done, which is very good. He has such a kind heart, I know a lot of people don’t like him but I can see beyond that, I have gotten to know the real Marshall and I love that!! When I’m in the hallway upset he is the one to come and make sure I’m ok. We have a lot in common; he is the main reason why I haven’t dropped out yet. He has made sure my ass is in line. We have had o many memories together that I will never forget and I know that if we have faith we will make our friendship last forever.

I’ve been so stressed with finals, and I’m not feeling good right now. I will miss the city and the school when I go back home for a month. The friends I have made here at this school and made memories with will forever me a part of me. They have helped me grown and learn and I don’t know how I could ever re-pay you for that. All I can say is thank you, to each and every one of you. I truly appreciate what you al have done to me. To my fellow bloggers, I hope you have a great day and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Remember: “The best things in life happen when you’re not looking. Which is why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, and dream." 

God things like this just piss me off! I understand that we have our problems but going to this extent is just stupid. We all have your problems, yours are mood issues, being a bitch, and not getting that you're boyfriend doesn't like you. I use to del bad for you but not anymore. You are just another person in the distance. No longer my friend, just some bitch I have to live with. I honestly wish that we had never roomed together because as much as it was "ok" at first we all know that it's not ok now. I can't believe I got you all these things and how do you re-pay me? With making me feel like shit?

I realize that I have my temper issues and one thing I do is overreact. I just need you to understand that all you need to do is step away from the situation. I really am working on it. I truly am. I want this to get better but it just seems like every time I take one step forward I take 3 steps back. When are things going to get better between us? When will things go back to being normal. I came to college and I loved it. Now it's becoming my worst nightmare. 

On top of all that my bus ticket hasn't come yet they have billed me for it. They are being uncooperative and I'm about done with this all. I honestly just want to curl up and die. I can't be having this right now. I need to find something that I love and that will be with me forever. You need to understand that everyone is different it doesn't mean they are bad. I just wish that I could have another chance, that I could come to college. Tonight is just a ultimate low. I can't think of a quote. I need a break to collect my thoughts, if you don't hear from me that is why. Goodnight. 

Jesus! Another whole week, ya, I'm slacking. I guess this past week I had been planning on writing but so much came up I didn't have time. The past week has been one of the hardest weeks here at college so far. I have had everything from screaming to deep talks. I guess the most important thing to tell you guys is that I got into a fight with my best friend here at college.

It was stupid and I had overreacted and I regret it so much now. It's to upsetting to write about right now but it made me realize that I have to change my attitude and how sensitive I am if I want to do anything in this world. All I can hope is that if we really are best fiends that it will only take a matter of time before we are back at the same old. I did get an answer that cleared so many of my questions up. I am thankful for that.

On top of that I have had the stress of drama between roommates and a drug bust across the hall. There is too much on my plate and I find myself alone a lot more. I frequently go down to the water and sit there and think or write. I have decided I am going to start a book. It might not get published but who knows?

I'll have more time to write later because I'm heading home for Thanksgiving. But I'm exhausted so goodnight bloggers. Remember: "Don't waste a single moment with feelings that will last a second."

Oh wow… I haven't written in a whole week! I feel like such a slacker. So much has happened since then. I actually studied for the first time this week. Like, really sat down and studied for about 6 hours. My stomach has been bothering me more than usual lately. I'm not really sure what it is. I have just been really nauseous lately.

I guess the main thing that has happened is that I have switched my major in college. I had been a psychology major but I just switched to Criminal Justice. I realized the psychology program here wasn't for me. I didn't like it, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get a job. Stupid I know, but I figured I honestly don't know what I want to do with my life. I figured I would rather pick something I am interested in and go for that, rather than wasting money for 4 years of college where I would just go back. I'm not sure if I made the right choice, but I realized that sometimes you just have to accept that you are utterly confused, and you just need to make the best decision you can with what you have.

I ordered my tickets to go back home for Thanksgiving break! I'm so excited to see some of my old friends back home!! I of course could care less about some of them. I know that I have had bad experiences with a lot of them and I'm not trying to go back to that. I just need to make sure I spend time with my family as well. They are important, and I came home to see them as well. If I can't see everyone in a week, then I still have a whole month to see them in 2 weeks. I am actually planning on going black friday shopping for the first time, and I couldn't be more excited! I realized that I need to start Christmas shopping because most of the people I am giving gifts to are with me at college. I only have ONE weekend when I come back and I will be studying for finals! I realized that the only realistic time for me to go to Target would be tomorrow. I don't know exactly what I am getting because I was trying to save for Black Friday, but because I am skeptical I would rather not take chances.

I am still so confused about how I feel about you. I know that when I talk to you everything just seems so normal. I don't want to mess up our friendship… I talked to people and they think that you like me, but as always I am not sure. It seems like we just have a best-friend type of relationship. I don't know if we would work as a couple. I honestly would like to try it but I have never been in a actual functional relationship so you would have to be patient with me. As for the other situation I just can't see it working out. I hate knowing that but everything I once felt for you is almost completely gone. All I see you as now is a best friend. More like a brother. I can never see us working out and I don't want to waste either of our times when I wouldn't be giving it my 110%.

Until then I'm just going to keep my chin up and try and make the best of the situation. I'm heading off to a movie now, but I real am going to try and write more often!! Goodnight bloggers. Remember: "Sometimes the people you love the most are the ones you need to let go of."