Wow... it's almost been 3 months since I last posted. It seems like a right time to be posting again thought, I would like to start being active here again. So much has changed. When I got back from break in Jan. the first thing I did was switch rooms. I'm currently in another room with a new roommate and I couldn't be happier. I love my new room and I can only say I wish I had done this earlier.

I guess there are a couple changes in my life. First off I've decided Point Park isn't for me. I'm going to transfer after I finish up this semester. Ive already applied to 5 schools and I'm just waiting to hear back from them. I know that I can't stay here, I'm not happy with it here. It just isn't for me, there are a lot of things that I can't stand here and it would be the best thing for me if I left. I guess the second thing that has changed is that I finally got my first tattoo as well as 3 more piercings. I absolutely love my tattoo and I know that I will never regret getting it. I'm currently saving up for my second tattoo, I have the design all ready, and I can't wait to get it. I guess I can say the final and biggest change with me is my attitude. In the past month and a half I've changed my perspective on life. I use to be a negative person, but in the past few months some things in my life have made a huge impact. I finally realized that I'm done living for someone else, I'm done putting others needs in front of mine, for once in my life I need to do what I want for once. I can't really explain it that well, I guess I'll try the best I can.

I use to be a negative person, I was depressed a lot and didn't have a lot to be grateful, or at least thats what I thought. After a major event happened I realized that, I can't keep living like that. I started to make changes. First of all I realized that I need to stop doing things that weren't me, for example I used to go out with my friends on weekends, I honestly hated that. I would much rather stay in a just chill and get things done, I wanted to fit in so hard at the beginning of college I just went along with the crowd. I realized that that isn't me, I am now perfectly content being by myself and just staying in on the weekends. I also realized that I need to be more grateful. Yes, things in my life aren't perfect but they could be way worse. I shouldn't be so focused on the negatives in my life but the positives. I have so much I should be thankful, for the friends who have been by my side all along, the support I have gotten from my parents, and the opportunities I have gotten. I realized that there comes a point where I have done everything I possibly do in a situation and it's time to simply stop trying. I had consumed all of these years on something and I finally was done, I did everything I did, it was up to them if they wanted to step up or not.

I use to worry so much about what people said and thought about me. I worried about that constantly, I was so worried about being liked by everyone. Ever since I was younger I know that I've tried to act like girls in those bratty movies, that't not me. I'm not worried about everyone liking me, or even those opinions anymore. My thing is that I am a bluntly honest person, I will be straight forward with you and tell you like it is. I may come across as harsh but I do it because I would rather not be told a lie, especially when it leads on for months, I want to be told the truth upfront and I hope that people will give me that respect. If you don't like me, that's perfectly alright but please don't pretend to be my friend and make me trust you only to find out it was all fake. People don't understand I get upset, but doesn't everyone? Some people are just better at masking it, if I walk away crying, let me go, I'll be fine. For me now; if you don't like me being bluntly honest thats fine. The people that honestly know me or take the time to get to know me know that I may be guarded and speak my mind but I'm also by their sides through thick and thin. I don't take friendship lightly and all I expect back is the same respect from you. If you don't like my attitude fine, you honestly have two choices: understand that that's how I am, and that if you could take the time to know me you would find different or 2: theres the door feel free to walk.

All I can say is that after this I am a much more positive, happy person. I don't dwell on the past, I know that I can't try and make everything happen, sometimes it's simply out of my control. I don't freak about every little thing anymore. For me instead I think, "does this matter in a year, in a month?" I'm not going to let a situation that is going to mean nothing in a month define my entire day, week, life. I am finally beginning to be happy with myself. I know I still have a ways to go but for the first time ever, I feel myself more positive. I'm happier with the person I'm becoming. I know that everyone has bad days, including me, we're human but I can't let those days drag on. I know that after everything I have been through I'm a stronger person and if I can get through what I have I can make the change and be the person I want to be. I have those friends who have been by my side and I appreciate them more than anything else. I am grateful for the life I have, it's not perfect. I still wish I had somethings and I know that the things I want my parents won't understand how I feel about them. However I also know how lucky I am for the life I have, I shouldn't ever wake up and be ungrateful. I am finally happy with who I am becoming and I'm going to continue with this. I hope to keep writing sooner, it's currently 6:30am and I have to get ready for class. But remember: "Sometimes, the best way to he happy is to learn to let go of the things you tried hard to hold not to that are no longer good  for you."