Today... how do I explain today? Well it started out nice, I had great quality time with my family. We were able to go shopping and get necessities (quite a lot of money spent) and then we got lunch. I realized how much I actually missed my family. I know we had the bad times but I really do feel blessed to have the family I do. I realized that they do care, and they will be there for me. Every time in the future when I want something and they wont get it for me I have to think of today and the $450 spent on things I needed for college. I can never say I was ungrateful ever again. I loved spending time with my family and I cant wait to see them again in a couple months.

I actually met some new friends today. Well I bonded closer with one, and then met another one. The evening was rough. Seeing my friend have guys flaunt her was depressing. I couldn't handle it... we had a talk and she brought to light so many things. I need to find self confidence. I always think that if I think too hard about myself then I will turn into the snobby bitches and I will be too confident in myself. I want that one guy that will look at me and see me as beautiful. Just knowing that someone sees that in you makes everything a bit better. I came to college wanting standards but ever since I got here I had fallen for any guy that will make the hole in my heart a bit less empty. My friend told me that the girls that have those standards are the ones everyone looks upon and respects. That I will find that one guy, I need to wait though. I know I'm not good at waiting. Each day that passes I see myself as not worthy enough, that no guy thinks I'm pretty or likes me,  let alone another guy that is attractive as well. Life is a waiting game, but is it one I want to play now? I see all my other friends getting guys, having guys looks at them... it just makes me feel unwanted....

I guess I need to re-evaluate myself. Find something good in me, something I am proud of looking in the mirror at. I know I compare myself, and that I try and conform myself to guys that like ideal girls. But thats not me, and if I want to find a guy that is right, I cant be anyone but myself. I still care about you but it's hard to connect when you are so far away. I miss you, I miss that connection we had when we were together. I guess that is what I have been searching for.

I needed to study but of course I got side tracked. I procrastinate too much. I can't fail college... I need to stay here... having all a's and b's. I should email my professors and ask what my grades are. There are so much things I need to do, and I think I am focusing too much on finding people that accept me, that like me, and that I can connect with. It's time for me to sit down and get work done.

I need sleep. Goodnight fellow bloggers. Remember: "Look in the mirror and find one good thing about yourself you love, because if you can't love yourself, how do you expect others to love you."